I just can't seem to "snap out of it" today - it's ridiculous, it's like I'm sad for something that hasn't even happened yet. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be down. I've tried to walk around, sound happy when I answer the phone, but now that I am alone in the office, I feel like crying. I haven't yet, but feel like at any second at the drop of a hat, POW tears will be coming. :( *sniffle* Yes, there might be a lot to cry about, it's been a very hard couple of months to get my mind around, but I'm not even the one that is most effected in all of this, I feel stupid to be upset already, so soon. (again.)
We expect to say goodbye to Grandpa B with in the next few days. He's very weak, doesn't breath strongly anymore & hasn't opened his eyes today. I talked to Grandma B this morning, she's doing ok, but I think she's getting a bit more scared. That's fair, in fact more than fair. How do you say goodbye to someone that you've known and loved for 50 years?
With tears, I guess.
2 comments:
I don't think you're stupid, or thinking ahead, or doing anything that you shouldn't be doing. Grief hits us so hard and in so many different ways. The types of death and disease and sadness that you are going through are all timed at this moment. It's not sudden, you have plenty of time to know and realize when they die what type of hole they will leave. You are not alone. Whether it be anger, sadness, denial, guilt, depression, loneliness, turnaround, acceptance, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. AND, if you do cry at work, you damn well deserve to be able to do it. Period. You don't have to be happy for everyone.
Thanks for your comments, sorry I hadn't responded yet - I just wasn't sure what to say before. It's wierd to think that he passed away later that every evening. It's so different now without him here, even thought I didn't see him every single day like David got too, you are exactly right, there is a hole.
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