Rules of Engagement

Ugggghhhhhh - I hate following the rules. And what do I even hate more than following someone else's rules? Making my own to follow.... (sigh) So when I was directed to sit down and make my own "rules of engagement" when it comes to communication and conflict, I just shuttered. But why do I have to do this? I don't wanna!

I guess, mainly because there is a much nicer feeling that comes with "I'll try" or "maybe"

then a set of Rules,

made by Myself

to follow - for the bettering of myself being understood

or even for something much more important: my marriage.

Reading this today: "Pretty soon your mate started to slip off your lofty pedestal, and you off theirs. The forced closeness of marriage began stripping away your public facades, exposing your private problems and secret habits. Welcome to fallen humanity."

That's heavy, I do feel that way, - but I still don't want to create rules that I have to follow and he doesn't. Ok, I am being selfish, so I keep reading: " don't think living (this) will drive all conflict from your marriage. Instead, this is about dealing with conflict in such a way that you come out healthier on the other side.
Both of you. Together."

I still don't wanna, mainly because I don't like to admit to myself when I fall - it hurts, it's hard to be disappointed in yourself and feel set up for failure. But I'll do it. Whew! This is really hard for me, I want you to know. :) I'll do it.

Since there are two types of boundaries that I've been asked to create, "We" and "Me", and since my husband and I haven't had this conversation (mainly because I don't know how to bring it up) I will only work on the Me Boundaries today.

• I will not mention divorce like it is part of our future.
• I will not lie to David.
• I will not look for zingers to hurt David.
• I will not fight in public with him.
• I will not let myself off the hook and blow up.
• I will not hit or strike in a harmful way.
• I will not talk before I pray and listen.
• I will not yell and scream.

All of this kind feels really negative, so let me re-phrase them.

• I will talk and remind us both of the long future that our marriage has, and celebrating our anniversaries together with joy!
• I will speak only in truth.
• I will speak kindly and in love at all times.
• I will let things go when we are in public, and politely ask that we re-visit that issue when we are alone.
• I will control my feelings and stay calm.
• I will touch only in love and affection.
• I will listen first, and pray to my God before speaking.
• I will speak gently and keep my voice down.

I have made my rules and I will play by them for "If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand." Mark 3:25