I just have to say how much I enjoy working out! HA, I know that I might not look like it! :) but I do & have really enjoyed going lately with my cousin & my neighbor! It is funny how much you are willing to do, when you are doing it for others. Going with them, makes me focus on the workout, develop a plan & push myself to the limits, because I know they are doing the same.
Wanna workout with us? We workout at Snap Fitness, normally go late at night, anywhere between 9 and 10, for about an hour. Let me know, so I can plan for you too!
ps. I am also looking for an AM buddy as well, probably between 6-7am.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My Mommy Loves Me
It is so nice to have emails like this one waiting in your inbox. It appears to be a boring 'ole forwarded joke type email, but hidden within it is a love note from your Mom & even deeper is a love note from God. Not quite enough to make me cry this morning, but close! Instead I decided to share it :) My Mom and I were talking this weekend, about how broken, shattered & weak I feel like I have become. And that's a hard place to be, let alone admit it to your mom.
This was a very simple reminder that broken, shattered & weak- doesn't mean alone & that God still wants to be by my side. (Praise him for that!) And even if I was only worth $20 right now, at there are people that still wants me! And if I was only worth a $1, God would still have his hand raise "I want her." :)
Hope this will also remind you of your own worth and the worth of others even if, (who are we kidding) WHEN they hurt you. We are ALL flawed and stupid. We all understand and interpret things differently, we all have different timings in life and different reasons, motives or agendas. People are the best (and most complicated) part of this life, enjoy them- before it is too late.
ps. I love you! (in case I haven't told you lately)
Jennifer, Just to let you know... I agree. Love who God made you. If you are not being who God made you, repent and paint a new picture. He LOVES you. Mom
$20.00 Sometimes we just need to be reminded
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked,
'Who would like this $20 bill?' Hands started going up.. He said, 'I am going to give this $20 to one of
you but first, let me do this.
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, 'Who still wants it?'
Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, 'What if I do this?'
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. 'Now, who still wants it?'
Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make
and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or what will happen,
you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special - Don't EVER forget it.'
Count your blessings, not your problems. 'And remember: amateurs built the ark .. professionals built the Titanic.'If God brings you to it -
He will bring you through it.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Transparent
Today, I am wondering how tranparent I really am. It came to my attention this weekend that I am a faker. :( And I just wonder who really knows me and who thinks they know me....
We were talking about how self-esteem is directly related to accomplishments. And really, that making lots of sense, I don't feel like I have really accomplished much of anything in life. I don't feel like I have ever been pushed or tested to my extreemes, that I haven't been able to make myself go for something that seemed out of reach. I am a faker, I can half ass just about anything & it looks good on the outside. Glaze this over for this person & add a quickover lay for this one. Making the stories, charaters and drama happen to what they are needing and think my life is.
I don't know why all of a sudden this popped out to me this weekend (and made me cry of course), but it made me think of how many things that I think that I am holding back on & yet I wonder if I am actually more transparent than I think. Do people know what I am feeling, saying or thinking, before I say it- or even if I don't say it? Picking up the true meaning behind things, instead of making them "fit" what they know about me? Heck, do I even know what I am meaning? Half of the time, I would think not. It's nice to have friends and family that know you that well, I can only think of a few that would probably be up to this task. Yet, I hope that I have a good enough connection with my friends, that they can feel transparent with me; without the glaze and overlays.
Transparent, also makes me think about how sometimes I feel in a large group, or small one for that matter. I wonder how much of it is me slinking off into the background vs. being overlooked. Somehow, around the holidays this becomes a regular feeling for me. Transparent, over looked, unimportant. I hate it when people can talk directly to you, ask a question & then completely hear what they want to hear.
"Would you like some Jello."
"Yes, thank you"
& then pass it the other way or skip you.... like you are invisible.
This happens more often than not with family and even worse with My Deere Loving Husband. Sometimes, I feel like I could just kill him. :) I couldn't and won't though, he is stronger than me.
I really enjoy hanging out with a group; we have a lot of fabulous friends. I just hope that I never make anyone feel transparent.
We were talking about how self-esteem is directly related to accomplishments. And really, that making lots of sense, I don't feel like I have really accomplished much of anything in life. I don't feel like I have ever been pushed or tested to my extreemes, that I haven't been able to make myself go for something that seemed out of reach. I am a faker, I can half ass just about anything & it looks good on the outside. Glaze this over for this person & add a quickover lay for this one. Making the stories, charaters and drama happen to what they are needing and think my life is.
I don't know why all of a sudden this popped out to me this weekend (and made me cry of course), but it made me think of how many things that I think that I am holding back on & yet I wonder if I am actually more transparent than I think. Do people know what I am feeling, saying or thinking, before I say it- or even if I don't say it? Picking up the true meaning behind things, instead of making them "fit" what they know about me? Heck, do I even know what I am meaning? Half of the time, I would think not. It's nice to have friends and family that know you that well, I can only think of a few that would probably be up to this task. Yet, I hope that I have a good enough connection with my friends, that they can feel transparent with me; without the glaze and overlays.
Transparent, also makes me think about how sometimes I feel in a large group, or small one for that matter. I wonder how much of it is me slinking off into the background vs. being overlooked. Somehow, around the holidays this becomes a regular feeling for me. Transparent, over looked, unimportant. I hate it when people can talk directly to you, ask a question & then completely hear what they want to hear.
"Would you like some Jello."
"Yes, thank you"
& then pass it the other way or skip you.... like you are invisible.
This happens more often than not with family and even worse with My Deere Loving Husband. Sometimes, I feel like I could just kill him. :) I couldn't and won't though, he is stronger than me.
I really enjoy hanging out with a group; we have a lot of fabulous friends. I just hope that I never make anyone feel transparent.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Do I have what it takes? Honestly, honesty sucks.
Today someone told me that they were proud of my tenacity. Knowing that it was a compliment, that they thought I was on the ball, know what I want, make things happen, have it all together.... I wondered a bit.... really? Do I have tenacity? Am I tenacious?
Not that I didn't know the meaning, but wanting a deeper understanding of the word they used, I decided to look it up...
Dictionary: tenacious adj.
Holding or tending to hold persistently to something, such as a point of view.
Holding together firmly; cohesive: a tenacious material.
Clinging to another object or surface; adhesive: tenacious lint.
Tending to retain; retentive: a tenacious memory.
[From Latin tenāx, tenāc-, holding fast, from tenēre, to hold.]
So now I am wondering even more.... really? am I?
Tenacious, such a neat word- it speaks to me with strength and courage. Things that I don't really think that I have.... so now I am really confused, do I really have what it takes to be tenacious?
Do I have strength and courage to persistently hold on to what's important to me?
Things are easy, it is not often people try to take things away from you, yet when they do (such as robbery) you feel so violated it is surprising.
Ideas get more complicated, there are always people trying to change your mind or telling you that it's impossible give up on that idea. Ideas are hard, I have the dreams, but where is my drive?
BUT people are the worst! Relationships are so difficult! I don't really feel like I have an courage or strength when it comes to most of my relationships, I just go with the flow and let whatever comes come, I think that's how I have been my whole life, just enjoying the people that God has placed in my life, knowing that His plan is right. I just recently started wondering about the courage it takes to grow relationships with these great and fabulous people that He has places with us.
Relationships can be like the seasonal growing flowers or they can be like the quick sprouting weeds, but the best kind are like the slow growing, deep rooting trees. These are the relationships that you care for as needed, but overall trees don't even have to be watered or fed, yet they continue to grow- the best friends, the kindred spirits, the soul mates, however, when you do water and feed trees- it's amazing how strong and beautiful they become.
No matter what kind of relationships you may have, they take time and courage. You need TIME to learn about the other person, hang out with them, ask questions, listen when they talk, listen when they don't & love them for who they are. You need COURAGE to allow them to learn about you, opening up to them, honestly answering questions & let them know what you are about and who you are or maybe who you are trying to become.
I honestly don't think that I have done this very well. I wish I had more time to give my growing relationship & even the tree relationships that have stood the test of time. I wish I would have had more courage with these relationships, what would have been different if I would have said, "No - I don't agree with you" "I am telling your parents." "No, you can't treat me like that." "Yes, I can." "I want to go to college." "Can I call you?" "I love spending time with you." "Yes, I feel the same way." "Hi – remember me?" "I am sorry." "You might not know this, but I Love You." (Maybe that's not fair, cuz I am sure things would have been different, if I would have kept my mouth shut at different times in my life as well.)
Anyhow, I don't see how I could be tenacious (persistently holding on) if I haven't actually went out and grabbed anything that I have wanted. I stalled out- listening to the na- sayers, the impossibles, the never-gonna-happens. I haven't been bold enough to stand up for myself, my feelings or the things that I believe in. I have just gone with the flow, being "laid-back" & "flexible" – but now I wonder… is that actually a good thing? Maybe, I would rather be hated for being the bitch that knows what she wants & what she is capable of, showing people how she feels (even if it is just for a moment), telling people what she thinks (even if it isn't what they expect). Not worrying about the possibility of being hurt (why is that such a big fear for me) or apologizing for her possibly bad timing (why do I expect everyone else timing to be my own). That would be tenacious; strong, courageous, persistently holding on, holding together firmly.
Not something that I am not, have never been & doubt the world is ready for.
So thanks for the compliment, for I know you meant well, but unfortunately it hurt me, it makes me want to cry & it makes me angry that you don't really know me. I wish I was how you see me, but I am not.
Not that I didn't know the meaning, but wanting a deeper understanding of the word they used, I decided to look it up...
Dictionary: tenacious adj.
Holding or tending to hold persistently to something, such as a point of view.
Holding together firmly; cohesive: a tenacious material.
Clinging to another object or surface; adhesive: tenacious lint.
Tending to retain; retentive: a tenacious memory.
[From Latin tenāx, tenāc-, holding fast, from tenēre, to hold.]
So now I am wondering even more.... really? am I?
Tenacious, such a neat word- it speaks to me with strength and courage. Things that I don't really think that I have.... so now I am really confused, do I really have what it takes to be tenacious?
Do I have strength and courage to persistently hold on to what's important to me?
Things are easy, it is not often people try to take things away from you, yet when they do (such as robbery) you feel so violated it is surprising.
Ideas get more complicated, there are always people trying to change your mind or telling you that it's impossible give up on that idea. Ideas are hard, I have the dreams, but where is my drive?
BUT people are the worst! Relationships are so difficult! I don't really feel like I have an courage or strength when it comes to most of my relationships, I just go with the flow and let whatever comes come, I think that's how I have been my whole life, just enjoying the people that God has placed in my life, knowing that His plan is right. I just recently started wondering about the courage it takes to grow relationships with these great and fabulous people that He has places with us.
Relationships can be like the seasonal growing flowers or they can be like the quick sprouting weeds, but the best kind are like the slow growing, deep rooting trees. These are the relationships that you care for as needed, but overall trees don't even have to be watered or fed, yet they continue to grow- the best friends, the kindred spirits, the soul mates, however, when you do water and feed trees- it's amazing how strong and beautiful they become.
No matter what kind of relationships you may have, they take time and courage. You need TIME to learn about the other person, hang out with them, ask questions, listen when they talk, listen when they don't & love them for who they are. You need COURAGE to allow them to learn about you, opening up to them, honestly answering questions & let them know what you are about and who you are or maybe who you are trying to become.
I honestly don't think that I have done this very well. I wish I had more time to give my growing relationship & even the tree relationships that have stood the test of time. I wish I would have had more courage with these relationships, what would have been different if I would have said, "No - I don't agree with you" "I am telling your parents." "No, you can't treat me like that." "Yes, I can." "I want to go to college." "Can I call you?" "I love spending time with you." "Yes, I feel the same way." "Hi – remember me?" "I am sorry." "You might not know this, but I Love You." (Maybe that's not fair, cuz I am sure things would have been different, if I would have kept my mouth shut at different times in my life as well.)
Anyhow, I don't see how I could be tenacious (persistently holding on) if I haven't actually went out and grabbed anything that I have wanted. I stalled out- listening to the na- sayers, the impossibles, the never-gonna-happens. I haven't been bold enough to stand up for myself, my feelings or the things that I believe in. I have just gone with the flow, being "laid-back" & "flexible" – but now I wonder… is that actually a good thing? Maybe, I would rather be hated for being the bitch that knows what she wants & what she is capable of, showing people how she feels (even if it is just for a moment), telling people what she thinks (even if it isn't what they expect). Not worrying about the possibility of being hurt (why is that such a big fear for me) or apologizing for her possibly bad timing (why do I expect everyone else timing to be my own). That would be tenacious; strong, courageous, persistently holding on, holding together firmly.
Not something that I am not, have never been & doubt the world is ready for.
So thanks for the compliment, for I know you meant well, but unfortunately it hurt me, it makes me want to cry & it makes me angry that you don't really know me. I wish I was how you see me, but I am not.
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